Tag - mental health

Exploring Love Languages – Words of Affirmation

 

“Words can build you up,
Words can break you down,
Start a fire in your heart or
Put it out.”

 

These are some of the lyrics of the song Words by Hawk Nelson. This has been true since the beginning of the spoken word, even as children we proclaimed in a sing-songy voice “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. We sang this not because it was true, but as a chant to ward off the pain that some harsh words can bring.

Though everyone is impacted in some way by words, there are some of us that give words great value. This means that discouraging or hurtful words feel even more sharp, and words of praise and encouragement mean the world to us. If it isn’t obvious by the way I’m describing this Love Language, Words of Affirmation is the number one way I feel loved.

 

 

Welcome to another installment of the Exploring Love Languages series on MommyB Knows Best. If you still haven’t read the  or taken your 5 Love Languages test (or test your family/friends) I strongly encourage you to check it out Exploring Love Languages and How to Show Them post.

If you know your love language(s) that will help you understand how you most like to be loved and also be a good determining factor in how you typically show love. Showing love to others is great no matter what way you choose to show it but in some instances love is received best using the love language of those we pour our love into. If we really care, I believe it’s important to get to know not only their personality but their love language as well.

Let’s dive into yet another love language and learn together. Each love language is so unique and I’d love your help, if you fit in the current category or know some great ways to show love using this love language won’t you please leave a comment with some advice?

 

To someone who doesn’t share this Love Language here are some ways to express love to people who value Words of Affirmation:

Use high value words

The words love, grateful, appreciate, proud, special, needed, best are some great words to focus on when speaking with someone who likes Words of Affirmation. Can you think of any others?

Compliment them

Pick something you really like about that person and tell them, it may not come easy to compliment, but will mean the world to them. Also, the more personal and specific you can get the better. Try to compliment them in an area that you know they work especially hard in. For example, if they volunteer a lot it’s likely that’s something they love and will be honored that you think enough to mention it.

Write it down

Words of Affirmation don’t have to be spoken words, they can also be written, whether it’s in a card, text, or a short note these words will be appreciated.

Reader Megan H says, “Words is not my love language but I speak words very well as words is one of my husbands love languages and also my daughters. Simple text each day to say you love them or are thinking of them are great. Also lovers of words like cards and simple notes too.”

As with all Love Languages there are several ways to show love in the way a specific person feels it. These are just a few ways to get you started. Do you have any advice on how to love (or how not to love) a person whose love language is Words of Affirmation?? Share in the comments below and if this is your love language be sure to share this post with others.

Holding On to Grief

I’m the type of person who holds on to everything.

My brain always says:

“Just in case…”

“You never know…”

“Better safe than sorry…”

I didn’t grow up with much, maybe that’s why. Hold on to things you may need.

I also hold on to other things. On both sides of my family growing up I saw grudges. Hold on to grudges.

I also saw a lot of people come and go, family members, people that I was close to. Hold on to people. 

Not liking conflict and having big feelings (as I now know I’m an HSP) Hold on to feelings. Bottling up emotions, especially the hard ones were what I became good at. At least until it was too much to contain, ending in tears, and frustration, just to start filling up the bottle again.

While I’ve learned a lot about myself and learning how to express my emotions I often continue to carry my own burdens. Hold on to burdens. You may be thinking we do need to carry our burdens, that’s often what my head tells me, but we have a God who died to carry those burdens, we have a God who tells us to allow people close to us to help us walk through those hard times.

Last night I was reminded that doing that to myself, making myself bear the grief of losing my mom and others grief, is my own pride. I know it sounds weird to think that taking that upon myself is pride, but really thinking about it, I feel like I’m the only one who understands it, the only one who can fix it. In reality, by holding onto it I’m not resolving anything, just letting it sit there.

I often forget or intentionally hold on to things I should be giving to God, whether it’s my day or burdens/worries that I carry. Can you relate? This is something I will probably always struggle with, but I think acknowledging that it’s something I need help with and trying to make a change is a good step in the right direction. This time I need to choose to Hold on to God’s promises.

Is there anything you are holding on to? Is this something you are willing to give to God or let others help you shoulder???

Exploring Love Languages and How to Show Them

I love exploring personalities and learning more about myself, my family, and friends and why we are the way we are. I feel like getting to know others is so valuable in understanding them, and so important for building relationships. One of my favorite tools is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

This tool helps you figure out how you and others love to be loved. If you ask me that’s pretty valuable. If you think so too, {I hope if you don’t you’ll think about why it might be a good idea to “step into someone else’s shoes”}, then I encourage you to check out The 5 Love Languages, there is a great website, books, and online resources available.

If you’d like to take the online test, head to The 5 Love Languages Website click “Learn Your Love Language” then select “Myself” or “My child” depending on whose love language you are trying to figure out.

*Note that the site starts quizzes at ages 5, which is in my opinion an appropriate age to start figuring out your child’s love language, if you are trying before this age you may have some difficulty answering the questions, but it won’t hurt to try, just know as they get older you want to retest as some answers may be swayed by maturity and not having certain life experiences.

The five Love Languages, in no specific order are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. It’s said to be true that more often than not we love others the way we like to be loved. So if you highly value physical touch for example then you are more likely to give others hugs and kisses when you want to show them love and similarly with other love languages.

 

 

On my blog I’ll be starting a series exploring ways you can show love to others using their love languages, because we know it’s easy to love the way we like to be shown love. Hopefully you’ll gain some insight into other love languages and have some easy ways to show love.

 

Unsettled

As we draw near to closing out 2016 and I reflect on my life this year I can say without any uncertainty that this year has been the year I’ve most felt Unsettled.

unsettled

 

I know the reasons I’m unsettled, my mom {who I was very close with, talked to sometimes several times a day} suddenly passed away in February. That, I’m sure is the biggest reason I’m unsettled. When someone you have such a strong bond with and someone you’re used to being a part of your daily life is all of a sudden not there it makes a huge impact. It feels as if something is not quite right. I look at pictures and phone messages and there’s a hole. It’s just not right for her not to be here. Though I have peace that I will someday be reunited with her in the Kingdom of God, I miss her. I know there will be times when I can flip through photo albums and talk about her remembering the funny and sweet moments, I see glimpses of that now. But at this moment in time, I’m just not there yet.

One thing that has been a blessing through losing my mom is that my brother and sister and I have grown closer. Death can do funny things to family, it can tear you apart or bring you closer and we are the ones that have control over that, we choose to move forward or look behind us. My only option is to move forward, I don’t have it in me to spend time on anything other than that. Life is fleeting.

I know that life is so precious, and not guaranteed to us. I hate that I have friends and even my own husband who have lost their parents before me and will lose their parents after me; spouses, children, family members and close friends. Mourning isn’t easy and the closer you are to that person, at least for me, the more I feel broken.

So, I turn to God when I don’t have words to pray, but He knows my heart. I spend time with friends who understand because they’ve “been there” or care enough to “be there”. I enjoy my family, taking in the moments knowing full well that the days we have been given are gifts. I linger outside while walking the dog, closing my eyes and feeling the wind blow on my face, thankful that I have breath.

I never used to be afraid to die because I have hope that I will live forever in God’s Kingdom. Now, I guess it’s not fear as much as not wanting to leave people behind, I know what it feels like to be left behind. Yet instead of dwelling on what could be in the future I do try to live in the now.

I’m not quite there yet to be honest, I’m broken, unsettled, filling up holes with the One I know who can repair my heart and soul. If I didn’t have my faith I’m not sure how I would make it through. If I didn’t have my family I’m not sure how I would make it through. If I didn’t have my friends I’m not sure how I would make it through.

As milestones and firsts pass sometimes I’m not sure how I make it through, but I know that I do and will continue to and this feeling of being unsettled probably won’t completely leave me, but I think that’s okay. I try to remind myself it would be more unnatural not to miss my mom than the feelings I have now.

So day-by-day I turn to the things that help me settle. I pray that if you are feeling unsettled that you too can find your peace, in faith, family, friends, nature.

An Introduction to Something New – Highly Sensitive Person

If you’ve never heard of Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) you may think I’m just talking about people who cry at commercials or don’t know how to take a joke, well believe it or not being a HSP isn’t about that.

According to Dr. Elaine Aron, the authority on HSP, at least 15-20% of animal species including humans are highly sensitive. In her book The Highly Sensitive Person, she takes a researched, in-depth look at highly sensitive people.

Just as no two people are alike, no two highly sensitive people are alike.

 

This quick test taken from The Highly Sensitive Person website:


Is this you?

Are you easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby?
Do you get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?
Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?
Do you need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation?
Do you make it a high priority to arrange your life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations?
Do you notice or enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art?
Do you have a rich and complex inner life?
When you were a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?

To take the self-test or read more about HSP check out: hsperson.com


 

**Before I continue about what my experiences have been please note I am continually learning more about HSP through Dr. Aron, online groups, and daily life. I am certainly not a medical professional or an expert on HSP.

 

highly-sensitive-person

 

 

I stumbled upon HSP while looking for some tips that would help one of our daughters with some mild anxiety, little did I know, this discovery would make the past several years so much clearer as a parent and help me understand myself as well.

On my blog and social media channels I’ll be sharing my experiences with HSP both as an individual who is highly sensitive and as a mom raising two highly sensitive children. I hope that you will join me and share your own experiences as well.

 

Whether it’s someone you love who is highly sensitive or you yourself are highly sensitive or even if you’re just trying to understand others in this world, I encourage you to check out the many resources available, here are a few of my favorites:

 

Any Highly Sensitive Person books, specifically for parents – The Highly Sensitive Child

Sensitive and Extraordinary Kids

Happy Sensitive Kids

and also search Highly Sensitive groups on Facebook as well.

 

How about you? Are you familiar with HSP? Are you or someone you know an HSP???

MommyBKnowsBest on: Changes #vlogmom

#vlogmom

vlogmom-new-logoLately, I’ve really been thinking about life in general. Ooooh deep I know!! But seriously though, I’ve been meeting some great people, reading some awesome books, and really trying to figure out what I want to take away from this short life.

Here’s this week’s #vlogmom prompt/question and my answer:

I think sometimes we need to reflect, and see where our priorities are and if our time is being well-spent. In my life, I’ve been so blessed and want to make sure that I give to those less fortunate, raise my girls with love and enjoy as many moments as possible, be a good wife, be and have great friends, read my Bible and grow closer to God, be healthy inside and out and it starts with diet and exercise.

Some of these changes have been slowly happening and some I’m just getting started on, but I’m excited for good changes and have already had some great confirmations that this is the right direction for my life. I feel like whatever changes you have to make, whether they are similar to mine or completely opposite, we have to really make this life worth living.

I’m excited to use my blog to share whatever goodness is going on in life and will be giving you an update about my Red Cross service day soon too!

I hope if nothing else my video makes you think about what leaf or leaves you want to turn over and what changes you want to make in your life and inspire you to go for them!

Make sure you check out these other videos from #vlogmom vloggers too!!

Mindbloom Life Game {Guest Post by DaddyB}

Mindbloom_Logo_SmallThe Mindbloom Life Game is a new online game and app aimed at helping you make positive changes in your life. Self-improvement systems are only effective if they’re continually used by those who are hoping to make a change. Thanks to the social gaming techniques and behavioral science tactics at its core, Mindbloom has a great shot at keeping us engaged and on the path to making those positive changes stick.

Mindbloom - Life Tree

I’m admittedly a bit of a self-help fanatic. I’ve read numerous books and I’ve used a few different productivity software programs. Mindbloom looks like nothing I have encountered. It includes points, a gaming system, and an immersive, multimedia environment centered around your life tree. The branches of the tree are based on the areas of your life that you want to improve. You can choose as many or as few as you want. They include: Career, Creativity, Finances, Health, Lifestyle, Relationships, and Spirituality.

After you pick your life areas, you add the actions that you need to take to improve that area. You can create your own action or choose from the tool’s many suggested actions. For example, in the Health area, under Nutrition, there’s a pre-loaded action called: “Drink Water”. You can then schedule the actions on a calendar.

As you do your good deeds, log in, and record what you’ve done, you earn seeds which are like points that can be used to redeem things. You can use the points to unlock songs for inspiration or send a friend sunshine or water for their life tree.

Here is a great video to help understand what Mindbloom is:

Getting Social on Mindbloom – A Forest of Friends
Mindbloom’s social aspects are one of its strongest points. A healthy competition or knowing that your friend will be watching your progress could be a key factor in your success. Of course, you can only benefit from this kind of positive peer pressure if you have friends who also use Mindboom. Going through the changes and improvements with a friend can only help make you more successful.

Inspirational Aspects
I like how Mindbloom incorporates inspiration. It’s been something that I feel other personal improvement systems have lacked. Typically, they offer no more than quotes. Mindbloom has images, quotes, and even songs to provide a kind of inspirational slideshow to encourage you. What inspires one person may be drastically different from what might get someone else going. With this in mind, Mindbloom allows members to upload their own images or music. Logging in and seeing a picture that reminds you of your goal or hearing an inspirational song could have a big impact on your overall success.

Mindbloom - Inspiration

 

The Bloom App’s Reminders
The recently launched Bloom app for iPods and iPhones will help extend the benefits of Mindbloom. The app’s reminders may be entire system’s most powerful feature. Getting a reminder to stay on track with that new habit could make all the difference in the battle to make a change stick. It’s easy to forget that new commitment you’ve made when you get back into the groove of your regular day. An occasional buzz from your phone could shake you out of your routine and remind you to incorporate that new habit.

The Mindbloom program for your laptop or desktop computer if mostly free. It includes that great immersive experience that I described. There’s also a paid pro version that gives you access to all of the music and all of the images. The mobile iPhone app (Bloom) is free as well, but it seems to focus on just the inspiration and reminder aspects.

With any self-improvement system, book, or app of any kind, it all comes down to your likelihood to use it on a regular basis. I feel that Mindbloom’s social capabilities, tied into sites that you’re already engaged in, and the Bloom app’s reminders may be the biggest strengths to make it a winning software. Try it out and see if you can make those changes in your life that you’ve been putting off.

Learn more about Mindbloom from their website: http://www.mindbloom.com/ and check them out on Facebook too: http://www.facebook.com/mindbloom

This is a sponsored post and I was able to try the Mindbloom program for free in order to complete this review. The thoughts and opinions expressed in this post are my own, honest opinions. Yours may vary.